i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
