Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
