Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
