I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
