tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
