They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
