my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My penis needs a shock collar
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
