btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
