i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
