I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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