there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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