He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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