Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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