I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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