"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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