Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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