I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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