phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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