This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
