Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
