I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
