He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
