Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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