So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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