Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
