mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
