My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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