u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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