I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize