My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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