i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
