i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
