I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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