Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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