I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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