Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
