dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
