Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize