yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
we should paint friendship bongs
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