Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Where is the hickey?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
