So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
