So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
