just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
