I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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