hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
