pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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