literally had 100 drinks last night.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
