1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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