that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
