Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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