Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
