HIV tests are more positive than that guy
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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