He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
