Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
