Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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