I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
