That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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