It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
