I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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