Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
