Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
