i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
