I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You should frame my arrest warrant.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
