the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
