so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
