In the future we'll all be gay
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize